Learning to subtract self from myself

Last night, Mike did me the most amazing favor! He took me and showed me how to meet his needs. Instead of just thinking of myself, he taught me how to love him the way that he needs. Mike wasn't demanding. He was kind. It allowed me to introspectively see how selfish I truly am, and how beautiful being selfless can be.

I have a long way to go, but God is starting to show me how to get to the point where I think about somebody other than myself. Whenever we do have a baby, it will be a huge lesson in dying to my needs for space and quiet! I will have to say bye-bye to that side of Jennifer Lettner, and that is okay, no matter how hard it may be.

Desires

So, I was at work, sitting in a meeting today about HR benefits. The HR Manager was talking about his 7-week-old son. I told him congratulations and he showed me a picture. So cute! And so bad because it reminds me of how much I want a little one...

Oh, do I want a baby! The desire of my heart is to have a little one of my own to love and raise to love God. I have been off the pill since mid-August. It's the best thing since sliced bread...being a "real woman," free of the confines of chemical hormones. It has been great for me. It has just been hard waiting to get pregnant. Its only been 2.5 months, I must remind myelf!

Here's the thing though! I know God is in control! I need to trust Him with any little nerdlings that Mike and I produce. If it is His will for us, I know that it will be in His perfect timing. Absolutely beautiful and perfect! So, I must cast this desire on Him and focus on what He has given me... I have an AMAZING husband, an awesome church, a cute house, a good job, great family, and the cutest little wiener dog. I need to focus on being the best at my job that I can, enjoy teaching the 2-year-olds, and get my application in to the NWA Children's Shelter. I have a lot of things to do right now!

And of course, I want to work on my relationship with God. I want to understand His word better. I have a lot of questions about God and the Bible and life in general that I can ponder and learn about.

So, I guess to say it all, a baby is something I need not worry about. I want one so badly at times, but God has the best plan in mind. The absolute best plan in mind for us. And it will bring Him glory along the way (not to be forgotten)!