New beginnings

So, this is really old news, but I should probably put it up on my blog for posterity's sake. Mike and I are 6.5 months pregnant, expecting our precious bundle of joy on Christmas Eve. The month we conceived, I remember telling myself that it wouldn't happen. Our timing seemed so off! Lo and behold, it did! So, yay, I get to be a momma in something like 94 days!

Needless to say, we are stoked! And to make it even cooler, we have no idea what we are having. Mike didn't want to find out, and neither did I, until we went for our 20 week ultrasound. The little rascal wouldn't even let us get a glimpse! So, here we are...

Oh, and the official name for the little one is Baby. Its sweet. Its especially neat seeing Mike talk to the baby and call him or her, "Baby."

Purpose

I just returned from a walk with my weiner dog, and as I was looking at the houses in my neighborhood, I was wondering: what is it that I want to do with my life? Do I want to go to work everyday, return home, and just live everyday in the same old rut, week after week? Life is good, but is this the life I want to live everyday? Honestly, no! I want to live for the Lord, living a life full of adventure. Even if that means stepping out of my comfort zone and giving up my cushy life here, so be it. I just don't want to stay in this rut!

This summer, I want to go back to Haiti and bring hope to those people who don't have it. Some do; however, Satan's reach on that area is so strong that even believers in Haiti face a huge spiritual battle. I need to reach out to my community here and to my family and show them the mercy of God. I need to be real and learn to be selfless. I need to get out of this house!

The Next Frontier: Mike Lettner's Brain

So, I learned something new about my husband tonight! I have a huge emotional range, and my brain thinks many different things all at the same time. When I am wounded, it runs deeply. I can get excited over the silliest and best things. Also, when you cry, I can definitely cry with you. When you are happy, I can be happy with you. On the other hand, when Mike Lettner is happy, he is just happy. When he is upset, he is just upset. And he can let go of those feelings pretty quickly, unlike me. If I ask him what he is thinking, he isn't thinking about much. When he asks me what I am thinking, I often don't want to explain to him because I am thinking so much all at once, and it is so complicated to put into words. Mike explained it that he is just not as deep emotionally...and it has taken me almost 8 years to grasp this!

It perplexes me that God made us so differently! It wasn't until we had a huge discussion tonight that I realized this. I love my man so much, and this is one more reason to accept Mike as he is. After all, I cannot change the workings of his brain, and I know that he cannot change the mess called my brain.

Learning to subtract self from myself

Last night, Mike did me the most amazing favor! He took me and showed me how to meet his needs. Instead of just thinking of myself, he taught me how to love him the way that he needs. Mike wasn't demanding. He was kind. It allowed me to introspectively see how selfish I truly am, and how beautiful being selfless can be.

I have a long way to go, but God is starting to show me how to get to the point where I think about somebody other than myself. Whenever we do have a baby, it will be a huge lesson in dying to my needs for space and quiet! I will have to say bye-bye to that side of Jennifer Lettner, and that is okay, no matter how hard it may be.

Desires

So, I was at work, sitting in a meeting today about HR benefits. The HR Manager was talking about his 7-week-old son. I told him congratulations and he showed me a picture. So cute! And so bad because it reminds me of how much I want a little one...

Oh, do I want a baby! The desire of my heart is to have a little one of my own to love and raise to love God. I have been off the pill since mid-August. It's the best thing since sliced bread...being a "real woman," free of the confines of chemical hormones. It has been great for me. It has just been hard waiting to get pregnant. Its only been 2.5 months, I must remind myelf!

Here's the thing though! I know God is in control! I need to trust Him with any little nerdlings that Mike and I produce. If it is His will for us, I know that it will be in His perfect timing. Absolutely beautiful and perfect! So, I must cast this desire on Him and focus on what He has given me... I have an AMAZING husband, an awesome church, a cute house, a good job, great family, and the cutest little wiener dog. I need to focus on being the best at my job that I can, enjoy teaching the 2-year-olds, and get my application in to the NWA Children's Shelter. I have a lot of things to do right now!

And of course, I want to work on my relationship with God. I want to understand His word better. I have a lot of questions about God and the Bible and life in general that I can ponder and learn about.

So, I guess to say it all, a baby is something I need not worry about. I want one so badly at times, but God has the best plan in mind. The absolute best plan in mind for us. And it will bring Him glory along the way (not to be forgotten)!

Introvert

So... I left work early to go get my allergy shot in my left arm and a TB test in my right, at two different clinics. The nurse who gave me the TB test gave me instructions that only irritated me, so it helped me to get into this rather grumpy mood that I am in right now. It seems like it doesn't take much to get me here. It won't take much to get me out of this bad mood, but at the same time, I have to avoid people, because being a grouch means that I am even more introverted. I get this way at church, after teaching the 2-year-olds for an hour and then having to face tons of people. Or if I am at a store, surrounded by tons of strangers for a long time, I have to retreat to a place with less people in order to return to a better mood.

I really do need to spend some time in prayer about this difficult aspect of my personality. How do I overcome my bad moods quickly so that I want to spend more time with people? How do I overcome myself willingly so that I am authentic and openly kind to everyone when I get into one of these grouchy moods? How do I move beyond the need for space when this is what I crave so badly?

To look at myself with retrospective eyes and pray to the Lord for help is what I must remember...

The Blog Rebel

So, Mike started a blog. And to rebel, I am starting my own! I have been thinking a lot about who I am and what I believe. I think this would be a great place to get the sorting of my thoughts out.

I have been on a journed to explore who I am, and maybe this blog will help me out...